Proud of my big sis, Lee, and the courageous survivor and advocate for breast cancer research and detection she has been. Also, I am grateful for her special cadre of survivors, like Nan Snow, who wrote the following blog posted on the Komen Arkansas Blog!
We don’t normally take a Spring vacation, but Myra and I took a couple of weeks off, beginning on “tax day.” Our chief aim was to “retrieve” my mother, Grace, who had landed in Richmond, Virginia, after spending almost two months visiting her four daughters and their families. Rather than make a straight trip to Virginia, however, I wanted Myra to see some parts of the country she has never seen. I had seen Niagara Falls and Cape Cod as a teenager with my parents, camping throughout the northeast, but Myra has never been to those locations.
Niagara Falls, April 17, 2013
Traveling to Virginia via those points of interest gave us the perfect opportunity to see her brother, Rowe, who lives south of Boston (a city we planned to visit, but the Marathon bombing canceled that trip). With multiple health issues, including Parkinson’s disease, Rowe’s travel is limited, not even making it to his mother’s funeral in 2006. So, we determined that we needed to travel to him! It was a wonderful visit and good to renew connections with him, his wife and three children we had met and to finally meet the four children we had never seen in the flesh, since we had not seen Rowe in over 20 years.
I realize that it may seem foreign to many to think of never having met nieces and nephews or not seeing a sibling for so many years. However, circumstances sometimes necessitate that kind of physical separation. Though we have maintained communication with Rowe by phone, through mail and Facebook®, nothing beats the ability to shake hands, hug, and talk face to face.
Race Point Beach – Cape Code, April 20, 2013
Over the years, the nature of my vocation and the distance we are from family have limited our ability to spend time with our family. My side of the family was at one time spread out from Virginia to California. Only in recent years have we been able to gather annually in Florida, but even then we seldom see the entire extended family.
As I thought about our physical separation from family, the Apostle Paul’s desire for face to face encounters came to mind. In several letters, he expressed his intent and deep desire to visit those Christian brothers and sisters; some of whom he had personally discipled, but others with whom he had never spent “face time.” To the Romans, Paul said,
“For I long to see you so that I may impart some spiritual gift to you, that you may be established; that is, that I may be encouraged together with you while among you, each of us by the other’s faith, both yours and mine” (Romans 1:11-12, NASB).
Paul’s face to face time with them was not only for their benefit; he needed it, as well!
Bruton Parish Church, Williamsburg, VA
I can honestly say that I miss the church family when I am away on vacation. I need the fellowship, worship and encouragement from God and my Crest Baptist family. We need the touch of the Christ-life that resides in each believer, and others, who may not even know they need it, must see the love that we have for one another, so they may see what they are missing.
Many of you are as regular as clockwork in your commitment to meet with the saints in worship and small groups. However, if you feel a twinge of guilt, take that as the prompting of the Holy Spirit and make some adjustments in your life to include regular face to face time with the saints.
YOUR RESPONSE:
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1. R. Kent Hughes, Romans – Righteousness from Heaven, 1991, Crossway, p. 197.
While in seminary, I worked for a salsa production company (Renfro Foods). In addition to having all the salsa and chips you could want at break-time, the job satisfied my lifelong curiosity about how things work. Seeing the raw product prepped, cooked, filled in bottles, labeled, boxed and shipped out the door was a fascinating process. But the smallest glitch could stop that production. Therefore, all the machinery and conveyor belts needed regular maintenance. The man charged with plant maintenance could often be seen carrying a grease gun and applying the white, food-grade grease to the points of greatest friction. As he squeezed grease into the fittings, the production was kept running smoothly.
If it weren’t for friction and fractures in relationships, there would be no need for the Bible. Think about it. Were it not for sin – breaking man’s perfect fellowship with God – there would never have been the need for God’s revelation of the Word. But, the immediate results of man’s Fall in Genesis 3 reveals the damage done in all of our relationships: man/God; husband/wife; and man/creation. Therefore, the Bible became necessary to help us see how to restore and maintain all our relationships. It is, among others things, a how-to manual of relating properly to God and others. [1] From the Ten Commandments to the Great Commandment, the Bible is about relationships ( Exodus 20:3-17; Matthew 22:36-40).
Even in the best of relationships, though, we blow it. We are thoughtless, say things before we think and are just unkind. In those situations, we need to be quick to seek forgiveness (or give forgiveness). Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive (Colossians 3:13, HCSB). Seeking (through confession, i.e.1 John 1:9) or granting forgiveness is the necessary “grease” that brings about reconciliation. However, where forgiveness is absent, bitterness and barriers grow and relationships break.
Prepare/Enrich, which I use for premarital counseling, provides this good advice to couples (but can apply to all) in the area of seeking and granting forgiveness:
Forgiveness is the decision or choice to give up the right for vengeance, retribution, and negative thoughts toward an offender in order to be free from anger and resentment. This process promotes healing and restoration of inner peace, and it can allow reconciliation to take place in the relationship. [2]
Here, then, are some suggested steps for seeking and giving forgiveness:
Six Steps for Seeking Forgiveness:
- Admit what you did was wrong or hurtful.
- Try to understand/empathize with the pain you have caused.
- Take responsibility for your actions and make restitution if necessary.
- Assure your partner you will not do it again.
- Apologize and ask for forgiveness.
- Forgive yourself.
Six Steps for Granting Forgiveness:
- Acknowledge your pain and anger. Allow yourself to feel disrespected.
- Be specific about your future expectations and limits.
- Give up your right to “get even,” but insist on being treated better in the future.
- Let go of blame, resentment, and negativity toward your partner.
- Communicate your act of forgiveness to your partner. (“I forgive you.” NOT “When you change, I’ll think about it.”)
- Work toward reconciliation (when safe). [3]
So, as we continue to resolve to take actions in 2012 to experience God’s love for us and to reveal His love through us, make sure that you are taking steps to restore relationships, whether it means seeking forgiveness or granting it.
You can’t undo anything you’ve already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest. – Tertullian
[1] If you want to explore some biblical advice on relationships, here is simple Bible study on the New Testament “One Another” & “Each Other” Commands by John Egleston. http://www.intervarsity.org/mx/item/4511/download/
[2] Prepare-Enrich Couple’s Workbook, pg 13, © Copyright 2008 Life Innovations, Inc.
[3] Ibid.
Rural Iowa Pastor 